


I don’t want to let go of the things that keep me warm

by emilia_kaisa



Series: advent challenge 2019 [7]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Feels, Fluff, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre-Relationship, Songfic, Warm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Without your arms around me, without you on my skinWithout you on my body, I’m sorry, I’m sorryI don’t mean to be desperate or pretend that I’m not tornBut I don’t want to let go of the things that keep me warmWithout you, I’m just cold
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: advent challenge 2019 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559338
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	I don’t want to let go of the things that keep me warm

**Author's Note:**

> 7th part of the challenge!  
> Song: 'Cold' by James Blunt

Yuzuru sighed deeply and dropped on his bed, hiding his face in a pillow and inhaling its fresh scent, although the fabric was a little bit rough under his cheek. He didn't mind, though, too tired and full of emotions to care about minor stuff like that. He would gladly fall asleep on the spot, but he still had to shower and change, and knowing himself, after he would end up scrolling through his phone for at least an hour.

He forced his body to move and dragged himself to the bathroom. Hot water woke him up a little, and just like he had predicted, by the time he got back to bed, he wasn't really sleepy anymore. Tired, yes, but that would be it. He had been through this scenario so many times before, countless days of training always ending the same way, in his bed, alone with his thoughts and feelings.

He nested himself, comfortably propped against the pillows, warm under the covers, phone in his hand. He checked his messaging apps, but didn't feel like responding to any of the texts. Then he moved to the news, and spend solid ten minutes on reading about supposedly the best summer destinations in Europe. His finger ghosted over the twitter logo, but then he remembered that he was supposed to delete that, which he did without too much grief, and then wondered briefly if he should do the same with instagram, but quickly decided against it.

And instead, he opened it.

Yuzuru was only keeping it because of one particular person, and he was way past pretending that it was different.

He looked happy. Busy and smiling, surrounded by children and people looking at him with pride and love, and Yuzuru's heart clenched because he knew what they felt, he knew it so well and he knew more, he knew things other didn't and never would.

He kept on looking until his throat started itching and eyes burned, and he put the phone down, sighing deeply.

A year before, he had been sitting in his bed knowing that Javi would be back so soon, to train for his last competition, and Yuzuru's heart was beating with excitement and happiness. Now, Javi was nowhere to be seen, happy on the other side of the world, and Yuzuru was sitting in his bed alone, his heart beating to the rhythm of longing and loneliness.

_It’s been lonely_

_Tryna get your attention from a thousand miles away_

_And you know me_

_Always overthinking the worst possibilities_

_Yeah, we both know_

_In between you and me, there’s an ocean_

_Castaway in a sea and it’s frozen_

_I’m exposed, can’t you see? All I need is a little warmth_

Sometimes Yuzuru felt like everyone was aware how much he was missing Javi, except Javi himself. Yuzuru wasn’t mad about it, though, because he knew that there was a bit of his own fault in that too. They were never that close, and that serious, for Javi to believe that Yuzuru had some strong feelings for him. And it was okay, because there was no point in that, Javi knowing. It was Yuzuru’s business, and his feelings, and he didn’t want to bother anyone with it.

He just missed Javi, simple as that, and he fell asleep with longing flowing through his entire body, that familiar, dull ache that he was so used to.

* * *

“There is a surprise coming.” 

Yuzuru looked up, meeting Tracy’s bright smile, and he scrunched his nose in confusion.

“Surprise?”

“You will see tomorrow. Or maybe today, even.”

“What surprise?”

“Well I can’t tell you, can I?”

“Teasing bad.” Yuzuru complained and Tracy laughed warmly.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. But I can guarantee you will like it.”

Yuzuru wanted to tell her that she should know by now that he wasn’t a big fan of unexpected, but she walked away already, focusing her attention on Jason who was doing some wild things in the background. 

Yuzuru shook his head, and turned his thoughts to his training plan for the day, because that was something easy and familiar, to muffle everything and just focus on what had to be done. 

And he got so consumed by it, he almost didn’t notice. 

He was in his own world, focused on his steps, and he didn’t even care when he heard some loud squealing around him, Jun and Jason and Zhenya, but then he heard a painfully familiar laughter carrying in the air, and he tripped, falling out of rhythm immediately and almost falling on his face, barely staying on his feet.

How-

“Yuzu, come here!” Jason yelled “Look who’s here!”

Yuzuru looked, and his stupid heart almost jumped out of his chest. 

It was almost surreal, to see Javi there, Zhenya basically hanging on his shoulder, everyone looking thrilled and excited while Yuzuru had no idea what to do with himself. He felt so incredibly awkward, all his past words coming back to him, and his body moved on its own, closer to Javi, until suddenly he was right in front of him, trembling and exposed. 

"Hey there." Javi smiled, opening his arms "Missed me?" 

And with those words, something broke. 

He couldn't stop a quiet sob from escaping his lips, raw and vulnerable, and suddenly everyone went quiet, stunned, and Yuzuru would feel terribly awkward, but there were stupid tears in his eyes now and his heart was hammering and he truly didn't care, and he couldn't see a thing with his blurred vision. 

"Javi." he said, and it sounded more like a sob, and suddenly he didn't care, at all. 

And then there were strong arms around him, and lips pressed to his temple, and tears falling from his eyes, hot and burning and endless. 

"Hey, it's all good, all is good." Javi muttered and Yuzuru only sobbed louder, clinging to Javi's shoulders and hiding his face in the crook of Javi's neck, warm and familiar and safe. 

"I'm sorry." he mumbled, not sure for what he was apologizing, but he knew he had to say it. 

"It's all good." Javi whispered, his touch and voice comforting "I'm here, and I've got you."

Yuzuru had no idea how long he stayed like that, basking in Javi's warmth, but when he pulled away he realized that they were alone, and Javi was looking at him with tender eyes and the softest of smiles. 

"Hey." he murmured, touching Yuzuru's fave "What's the matter?"

And at that, Yuzuru wasn't able to hold anything back. 

"I told you. Can't do without you."

Javi blinked, and smiled, thumb stroking Yuzuru's cheek. 

"Then good I'm not going anywhere soon."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
